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Please read and drink responsibly.
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Known to only a few, in the summer of 2015, an unidentified aircraft crashed on the roof of the Chattanooga Whiskey Experimental Distillery. Among the wreckage was a bottle labeled, "Intergalactic Comet Crusher." After 10 years of intense reverse engineering efforts by Chattanooga Whiskey’s distillers, the company has successfully recreated the whiskey of unknown origin, which they describe as tasting “reminiscent of having your brains smashed out by a bag of lemons dipped in 42 karat gold.”
This concept (or is it fact?) is unlike anything the whiskey industry has ever experienced. Bourbon brands in particular almost exclusively rely on backstories steeped in history, old tyme label designs, and connections to a bygone era to sell their products. Humor, satire, and creativity centered on pure fun are practically nonexistent.
Chattanooga Whiskey Batch "alpha" Intergalactic Comet Crusher was released on June 24th, which coincidentally was also World UFO Day. Sporting a green frosted bottle adorned with alien hieroglyphics and secret messages (see section below), this release was a labor of love within the company, born out of a father-son moment and designed in complete secrecy.
“A while back I was reading the sci-fi comedy Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy with my oldest son, and we hit the part where they introduced the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (aka “the best drink in existence”), with the famous line: ‘the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick,’” says Grant McCracken, Chattanooga Whiskey’s founding distiller. “It was one of those laugh-out-loud, father-son moments that stick with you. That was the first spark.”
The idea was presented to Head Distiller Tiana Saul, also a massive fan of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, to explore whether the company could design its own Gargle Blaster. The completely real Gargle Blaster recipe involves a list of unquestionably genuine ingredients, including Ol' Janx Spirit, water from the seas of Santraginus V, three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin, four litres of Fallian marsh gas, a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger, a sprinkle of Zamphuor, and, of course, an olive.
Given Chattanooga Whiskey’s experience working with a wide range of flavors, spirit types, and other out-of-the-box ingredients for their ongoing Experimental Collection, they certainly had the skill set to take on such a Dyson sphere-sized task.
The company isn’t one that works with artificial ingredients, so Chattanooga’s Men (and women) in Black had to figure out a way to create out-of-this-world flavor authentically. That’s where botanicals and infusion came in.
“It went through a few phases: first, figuring out which flavor notes were going to lead and which ones would play support,” says McCracken. “Then came the fine-tuning of infusion times for each ingredient—like adjusting the knobs on some very temperamental alien tech. And finally…a dance contest. It didn’t last long, but it was critical for raising our collective consciousness to the proper “alpha frequency.” Only then were we able to optimize infusion intensity.”
It took approximately 3 months to develop the infusions and another 1-2 months to fine-tune the overall blend. Given that the whiskey includes 42 botanicals, it was no small task. “Reverse engineering a space whiskey...you'd think you'd want to go high tech, but that's not actually the case,” McCracken added. They found the best way to get the full flavor of the ingredient is to use the whole ingredient and not industrial flavor additions.
“The goal and target was to make the final product taste like the original absurd ‘lemon & gold’ Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster tasting notes...along with the bottle we tasted inside the UFO...which, coincidentally, are very, very similar.”
Given that alien tech and time travel were involved, the project was naturally on a need-to-know basis. They feared it would distract other employees from their day-to-day operations, but also because it was so fantastical, they weren’t sure it was even worth releasing. As McCracken adds, “And mostly because…well…we didn’t want anyone to know we were funneling nearly 100% of company profits back into a top-secret reverse-engineering project.”
McCracken explains, “For about 7–8 months, even our supplier partners were kept in the dark about the bigger picture. We had three fantastic partners—Chattanooga Labeling Systems for the bottle, NimbleJack for the topper, and Resource Label for the label—each of them willing to try something bold and experimental. And Rich Abercrombie - our creative director - did all of the actual design work. Apart from Rich, none of them knew what the others were working on. It was pure compartmentalization. Because really, what’s a classified whiskey project without a little stove-piping?”
As the project progressed, there were concerns about who it was for and if anyone would gravitate to it. According to McCracken, the small team found that “for non-whiskey drinkers, Comet Crusher doesn’t ‘drink’ like whiskey, and they love it for that. For whiskey lovers, there’s appreciation for the fact that it doesn’t taste like some industrial vodka-in-disguise — they can taste the real whiskey and the real infusion ingredients. And for everyone else, it’s simply a piece of art to look at, laugh about, or — if they’re open to it — commune with telepathically.”
With a project this far out there, there is always the risk of going over the top, but as McCracken adds, “going overboard isn’t just unavoidable — it might be the point.”
With its low cost of entry, combined with its mystery, curiosity, and perhaps even some degree of consumer dumbfoundedness, Batch “alpha” quickly sold out online (though bottles are still available at the company's Experimental Distillery and a small restock of Batch alpha might happen). Though there aren’t current plans to recreate it, all bets are off when time travel is involved. Where there is an alpha, there must be an omega, right?
Intergalactic Comet Crusher was never meant to take on Pappy Van Winkle, but instead shows that the American whiskey market can have fun with itself and that there is room for self-parody and high concepts. Not every new release needs to be tied to a long-forgotten brand - one that, for most people, feels about as familiar as a time-traveling alien spaceship.
“Francis Bacon supposedly said, ‘Truth is so hard to tell, it sometimes needs fiction to make it plausible.’ That’s the heart of Comet Crusher,” McCracken says. “It’s a story about how secrecy breeds myth, and how — if the truth ever does walk through the door — it might be even stranger than the fictions we spun in its absence.”
alpha
Meaning: The dial strength of the electromagnetic "handshake" = decides what our reality looks like
42 (Proof, Botanicals)
Meaning: A Douglas Adams reference from A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, “42” is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything, as calculated by the supercomputer Deep Thought.
The 42 botanicals:
Juniper berries
Matcha green tea
Lemon peel
Orange peel
Lemon verbena
Lemongrass
Gentian
Turkey rhubarb root
Hops
Spearmint
Peppermint
Chamomile
Galangal
Chicory
Cherries
Apricot
Cardamom
Passionfruit
Vanilla beans
Green tea
Fennel seed
Elderberry
Bitter orange peel
Elderflower
Hibiscus
Eucalyptus leaf
Cassia
Rose bud
Kola nut
Coriander
Lemon balm
Ginger
Marshmallow root
Anise seed
Lime peel
Osmanthus flower
Woodruff
Figs
Dates
Cinnamon
Cacao nibs
Cumin
Batch Size: 12 Barrels
Meaning: Company websites list them as 12 Majestic Barrels - a reference to MJ12 lore.
Intensity: 6EQUJ5
Meaning: The code “6EQUJ5” refers to the “Wow! Signal” — a famous strong narrowband radio signal detected by Dr. Jerry R. Ehman on August 15, 1977, while working on a SETI project with the Big Ear radio telescope at Ohio State University.
Observables: (PER SA797) : V, VI
Meaning: refers to criteria related to Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena (UAP/unidentified aerial phenomenon) outlined in Senate Amendment 797 (SA797) of the 118th Congress.
This legislative text defines UAP based on specific, measurable phenomena, with V and VI being two of them.
Senate Amendment 797
The amendment was proposed in July 2023 for the National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2024. Its purpose was to preserve, centralize, and eventually declassify UAP records to fully inform the public about the U.S. government's knowledge and involvement.
Observables V and VI
According to SA797, UAP are distinguished from both known objects and temporarily unidentified ones by exhibiting one or more of the following observable characteristics:
Coords: 1698/1009
Meaning: CIA link
Back Label Binary Code:
01000101 01111001 01100101 01110011 01101111 01100110 01011001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01000101 01111001 01100101 01110011 01001111 01110010 01101001 01100111 01101001 01101110 00110011 00110101 00110000 00110011 00110111 00110010 00111000 00111000 00110101 01001110 00111000 00110101 00110011 00110000 00110111 00110101 00110111 00110110 01010111 01001111 01110010 01101001 01100111 01101001 01101110 01011001 01100101 01100001 01110010 00111000 00110001 00110000 00110000
Meaning: EyesofYourEyesOrigin350372885N85307576WOriginYear8100
Bottle Topper:
Meaning: Crop circle (page 10). One of the only crop circles that was allegedly caught on video - mid formation.
Neck Hanger / Topper Symbols:
Meaning: Symbols from the alleged i beam of the Roswell crash, according to the memory of one of the original witnesses, Jesse Marcel.
Vertical Four Label Symbols:
Meaning: Symbols that allegedly appeared on an alien ship came ashore on the coast of Japan in 1803.
Zigmund Stardust
Meaning: A riff on Zaphod Beeblebrox...via a more formal naming of Ziggy Stardust (trademarked), who "came to Earth before an impending apocalyptic disaster to deliver a message of hope"
Background research photos are courtesy of Chattanooga Whiskey.
